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My Curtain Call.

It's Been weeks, months since I last heard your beautiful voice. Everyday, as I try to go on through life, through things that I handle all the time, a bigger piece of me dies.

I took all the necessary steps on the road to recovery. I went out with my friends. I even went out with a few girls. That didn't work.

So I took myself to the doctor. I got pills. I saw a shrink for a solid month. That didn't work.

Everyone around me tells me... that I want to be miserable. That I want to feel this way, and you leaving me justifies all of it.

All the days that go by... try as I might, even when a day goes by that you don't roll through my head, sleep comes. And sleep brings you to me, to break my heart, and step on my soul all over again.

I'm nothing but a sad, forgotten memory to you. Some people said you were scared, that you're not a grown up, that you weren't ready to be serious with someone, so you ran, as fast as you could, and did everything you could to get over me, everything being another guy. You ran, and people called you a coward. People called you a Child.

Some people said that you didn't deserve me, including yourself. That I deserved better than you.

Some people said Karma would come back to you. That you'd fall in love, and you'd get hurt, and feel the same pain I felt.

I never agreed with them. Never not once, did I ever say "she doesn't deserve me". Because I never believed it. You were the greatest thing to ever happen to me in my entire existence. How could the one person that I thought was the most amazing person in my life burn me so bad? Why do I deserve this. I hope Karma never comes back to you, because I never want you, or anyone else to feel even one ounce of this pain that I feel.

But you don't care, and I'm a fool to ever believe you'll see how much I honestly love you. Or that maybe, the tiniest bit of you still cares about me enough to think about me, when you see new york, or something is referenced and you think about me.

I am a fool. I'm a fool to believe. and have this much love left for someone who doesn't care one ounce about me.

The same way you left Rich, you left me. The difference was I didn't do anything to deserve it.

But you don't care... and I still love you. I still ache for you.

Melodramatic? Maybe. but it's not like you honestly care.

You didn't just shatter my belief in you, or love. You shattered my entire existence, and I don't think you actually realize that. You tarnished my belief in human beings, in society, in good hearted people, in everything.

So this is my goodbye to you, even though you, nor anyone else will ever read it. This is my goodbye to everyone who ever loved me, and for whom anyone I ever loved.

I can't do this. I really can't. I'm weak, and I have nothing left to give. Not one shred of me is left that says "this will get better".

I'm sorry (I know that was your least favorite thing out of me) that I did all of this, for you. I'm sorry I went to Pharm Tech school, just for the chance to be with you. I'm sorry that I gave everything I possibly could, for someone who doesnt care one bit about me.

I'm sorry that I still love you, because if I could travel back in time, I would've never gotten involved.

But here I am. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for the life we could have had.

Feeling sorry for what I have to do to end this pain.

I'm Sorry.



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